I want to write, but more than that, I want to bring out all kinds of things that lie buried deep in my heart." —Anne Frank
On Scripture Digging
I’m not there yet. But I’m on my way. It’s funny that after years of half-hearted Scripture digging, and “trying” to be consistent in the Word, I’ve finally fallen in love with it. It wasn’t an accident.
I prayed that it would happen. That God would give me an unquenchable thirst for His truth. That I would stop at nothing to know Him and to know that He is God. That He would be real to me and speak to me daily.
I prayed for this. And He answered me.
But it took me years and years to understand what an intentional relationship with the Lord should look like.
I spent so much time trying to find an example–a point of comparison for me to look at and model my own walk after. I would set my sights on a Scripture digging pro and try to do life just like them.
But then life got hard. Deployment. Depression. A depth of loneliness that I had never before experienced. Insecurity so strong that I didn’t know who I was anymore. And for the first time, I cried out to God in desperation.
My cries started with “Why?” and “Where are you?” I demanded answers, and I found what I interpreted as silence.
I knew it in my head–I just hadn’t fully understood it in my heart yet. His answers were coming. Slowly. Softly. Unexpectedly.
The first came in the form of a casual suggestion that I apply to be a big sister with Delight and Be.
The second came in an invitation to visit a new church with a friend.
The third came with a series of lunch dates full of vulnerable and God-centered conversation.
He was softening my heart and teaching me to listen to Him again. To get out of my own head and stop grieving what I kept telling myself was the worst my life had ever been. To get me digging into Scripture.
Turns out that if there’s too much noise, you can’t hear that still, small voice as the Father speaks words of love and grace and promise over you.
I still struggle with the noise. Too often I get distracted with the good and miss out on what God has for me. But I’m learning.
I’ve started journaling–partially to empty my head, and partially so that I can remember what is happening in my life as God is working. I’ve learned to surround myself with people who are willing to have hard conversations and pray with me through the muck of life. And I’ve found resources like Jane Johnson’s Mercy Like Morning that encourage me to keep digging. Continually.
Because God’s riches run deep. And His Word filled to the brim with promises and treasures that I need to search out.
Frankly, it takes more time and effort than I expected. But every day, I’m finding that He is worth it. Even on the busiest of days, time with Him is sweet, and that time is so precious.
I’ve always been a sucker for learning. It’s what led me into shooting weddings. But the kind of excitement that comes from time in God’s Word is unlike anything else. I’m constantly amazed at how Scripture is so relevant and poignant, and how He is so…good.
Right now, it feels like every passage and every tool is shiny and new. And it feels like the learning curve is steep. But I’m here to dig.
I’m not there yet. But I’m on my way.
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